


Don’t Throw Me Away

by Syracard



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1930s, Broken Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky Barnes and the 21st Century, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Drunkenness, Hangover, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Mental Illness, Mentally ill family members, Nightmares, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Precious Bucky Barnes, Promises, Protective Steve Rogers, Snuggles for warmth, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, bucky barnes protection squad, precious babies, snuggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-27
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-17 12:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17560451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syracard/pseuds/Syracard
Summary: “Steve, I want you to promise me somethin’.”The blond nodded, scooting closer. “Of course, Buck.”Bucky turned his head and stared into his eyes before swallowing. “I want you to promise me that if I ever end up like her—I doubt I ever will, but still—Whatever happens, if I ever up like her and they lock me up...I want you to promise me that you won’t throw me away like my folks did to her.”





	Don’t Throw Me Away

_**1939** _

  
Steve was used to Bucky coming home late. During the day the brunet would be at the docks and at night he’d be scrubbing dishes at the diner. If he wasn’t working, he would go out drinking, chasing girls, or sleeping. Steve hates that Bucky’s killing himself to make ends meet for them, but his best friend would just smile and says that they’re alright.

Tonight Bucky was working and Steve was sleeping when a loud bang made him jump out of his skin. The blond sat up in his cot and reached out for the bat Bucky got him a year ago and pulled the sheets off him. He could hear cursing from the other side of the door and when it flew open, Steve got ready to swing. Bucky stumbled in and jumped when he saw Steve. The brunet laughed and said “Heyyyy Stevie...Did I wake you? Oh jeez, m’sorry.”

Steve could smell the alcohol on him from a mile away. His hair was all messy, half of his white button up was untucked with four of the buttons undone. he kicked his shoes off and started working on his belt when Steve put the bat away. “Bucky? You okay?”

His best friend managed to pull his button up off but struggled to get his undershirt off. “Buck?”

Bucky finally looked up at him and smiled. “Hmm? Oh yeah, I’m good...Had a couple drinks after work, no big deal.” He fumbled to undo his belt and when he got that and his slacks off, the brunet sighed and plopped down onto his cot. The springs squeaked as he moved, settling into his back. After a few moments Steve thought he fell asleep and came over to pull his blankets over him. Just as he pulled them up to the older man’s bare chest, Bucky smiled and said “Thanks, Pal...You cold?”

Steve shook his head and said “No, not really.”

“Hmm. Wanna crawl in here anyway? Just ‘cause?”

Steve is used to crawling into bed next to Bucky. Being as tiny as Steve is, he’s almost always cold. And Bucky’s been a walking furnace since birth, so whenever Steve is cold, he’ll snuggle up next to the older man for warmth. He watched as Bucky scooted over as far as the cot would allow him before the blond got in next to him.

The brunet pulled the smaller body against him until Steve’s head was lying on his chest and pulled the covers back on them. “That better?”

Steve nodded and said “Yeah.” Not knowing where to put his hand. Bucky noticed because he took Steve’s smaller hand in his and laid it down onto his ribs. It’s far from being the first time they’ve snuggled like this, but tonight Bucky was holding Steve like it would the last time. He squeezed him tight until Steve squirmed and said “Bucky, you’re hurting me.”

The brunet loosened his hold on him and said “Sorry...Jus’ don’t want you to leave me...”

Steve lifted his head and looked up at him. “Bucky, why would you say that? I’m not goin’ anywhere. What’s goin’ on?”

Bucky closed his eyes and scooted over a little. “I’ll tell ya tomorrow, okay? Go to sleep.”

The blond wanted to say more but just as he opened his mouth, Bucky said “Go to sleep, Punk.” And fell asleep.

 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\•//////////

 

When Steve woke up the next day, Bucky wasn’t next to him. He got up and found Bucky sitting at their dining room table, hunched over with his head in his hands. Sitting in front of him was a glass of water and some crackers. He didn’t notice Steve until the blond sat down next to him.

“Hey. How do feel?”

Bucky groaned and rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palm. “Like you just clobbered my head with the bat...S’not so bad now after pukin’ my guts out earlier.”

Steve patted his back and asked “So what was up with last night? You had me worried.”

The older man sipped at his water and said “I know, sorry...Somethin’ happened the other day, still can’t wrap my head around it...You remember my Aunt Rhonda?”

Steve nodded and said “Yeah. What happened, is she okay?”

Bucky sat up a little and rested his chin against his fist. “Not really, she’s uh...She got put in an asylum.”

It took Steve a minute to process that. He hasn’t heard much about asylums, mainly because no one really wants to talk about them. He’s heard that it’s described as an internal and external Hell for the patients every single day. The world quickly forgets about them and most of them never come out.

“Oh.” Was all that came out of Steve’s mouth.

Bucky nodded and leaned back in his seat. He crossed his arms over his chest and said “Yeah.”

“Well...W-What happened?”

“I don’t know, Ma wouldn’t tell me what happened. She called me while I was at the dock and just said “they” took her away.”

Steve shook his head. “Why wouldn’t she tell you why? Does she not know?”

“No one knows...But what really got me was what she said after that. I asked her if we could go up to the place and see her, but she said we couldn’t. I told her “well don’t worry, Ma. When we get there, we’ll convince ‘em.” But she said that we’re never gonna see her again.”

Steve’s jaw dropped and his eyes went huge. “What?”

“Yeah. She said that, she said those exact words to me, and Pop agrees. They said she’s always been nuts, they just wanted to hide it ‘cause they’re so damn embarrassed....I heard about what happens in those places, Steve. Remember Ronnie down at the docks? He told me his mom got put in one and she died there! He didn’t know about it for a week and they wouldn’t tell him what happened, and now Rhonda’s trapped in one!”

Next thing he knows, Bucky backhands his glass and sends it flying off the table, crashing into the back of their crappy couch before it shattered into more pieces on the floor. Bucky sighed and scooted his chair back before getting up. Steve watched as he started to clean it up, but looked like he had a lot more to say.

“It’s not fair, Stevie. We never thought she was crazy, she was always fun, she loved us...How can someone just throw their own sister away? Pretend they never existed?”

Steve shook his head even though the brunet couldn’t see it, and quietly said “I don’t know, Buck.”

Bucky chuckled as he swept the shards up into the dustpan and looked over his shoulder at the blond. “You wanna know what I said to her? I asked her if she would do the same to me if I was nuts. If she would throw me away like she would her own sister.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothin’. She never answered my question, but I got my answer. I don’t care if I ever talk to them or see them ever again. If Rhonda’s gone, then so am I.”

The younger man watched as Bucky stood back up and dumped the broken glass into the trash. He dropped the broom and the dustpan near the trash before sitting down on the couch. Steve slowly got up and came over to sit by him.

Bucky rubbed his eyes with both hands and said “M’Sorry, I can’t understand it.”

“Neither can I.”

“Steve, I want you to promise me somethin’.”

The blond nodded, scooting closer. “Of course, Buck.”

Bucky turned his head and stared into his eyes before swallowing. “I want you to promise me that if I ever end up like her—I doubt I ever will, but still—Whatever happens, if I ever up like her and they lock me up...I want you to promise me that you won’t throw me away like my folks did to her.”

Steve didn’t need to think about it. Right after those words left his best friends mouth, the blond nodded and said “I promise.”

The brunet nodded and sat up to pull Steve in for a hug. Steve wrapped his skinny arms around Bucky’s neck and closed his eyes as his best friends arms were tight around him. At one point it started to hurt but he didn’t care.

  
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\•//////////

  
_**2016** _

  
Bucky was having another nightmare. He can hear his screams from across their apartment in the tower. Steve ran all the way to his best friend’s room and threw the door open. The brunet was thrashing on his bed, screaming and pleading things in Russian while tears streamed down his face.

“Bucky!” Steve shook the former assassin to wake him up, until a metal hand closed around his throat. He squeezed until Steve couldn’t breathe, and the blond quickly grabbed Bucky’s wrist with both hands. “ _Buck_ —”

When the brunet realized who it was, he let go and yanked his hand back. They sat there panting until Bucky’s tears came back, and Steve was pulling him into a hug. At first Bucky used to flinch when Steve would try to hug him, or clap him on the shoulder. A couple of times he actually pulled one of his guns out and pointed it at Steve until backed off. But he trusts him now and knows Steve wouldn’t hurt him. The younger man would give anything to go back and be the one to fall from the train, not Bucky. For a while they said nothing. Bucky sobbed into the blond’s shoulder while Steve petted his shoulder-length hair.

“Don’t throw me away...Please don’t, you promised.”

 _He remembered_. Tears welled up in Steve’s eyes and he hugged his best friend tighter. “I know. And I never will.”


End file.
